mommy manual

when I was growing up there was a funny story told about a father, a son, and a donkey. As the trio were traveling down the road a stranger laughed and asked "why do you all walk when you have a fine animal to ride!" So the Father placed his child on the back of the donkey and they continued their travels. They then met another stranger who pointed out the child must be very selfish to ride while his hardworking, stressed out father walked. Then the father and son traded places; the father rode while the son walked. You can probably guess what happened next...big chastisement for the selfish father to ride while the young son dragged along in the heat of the day. The father and son both hop on the back of the animal and are then criticized for their unkindness to a poor dumb ass. Eventually the story ends with the Dad and child carrying the donkey into the town only to be met with laughter and jeering. The moral of the story that I took to heart was that there is not way to please everyone and you have to do what you think is best with the information you have! I find it funny how the "never have been in that situation" can tell the "I am so deep in this situation" what to do. Take for instance; My older brother and his wife had a beautiful daughter, their first. Oh how the loved this little baby. But this little child could scream like non other. Imagine nails on a chalkboard magnified 1000 times, a balloon having the air pinched out of it magnified 1000 times, a dentist drill magnified 1000 times.... a dentist drill hitting an unprotected nerve...you get it?...roll those noises all together and you had this child's scream. And scream she did! More plates were dropped from our shaking hands as baby became restless (we eventually went to paper) My comment to my father one day was that I would NEVER allow a child of mine to scream like that. It just was not right. It was rude to others in the vicinity or even the next town. And then I related several activities that those parents should begin doing to halt this problem (one of them was to never procreate again...to this they did not listen and produced 9 more.) I was smug in my comments that if they , the parents, would make a few minor behavior modifications to this child, everyone would be happpy. They did not follow my advice, the child contiued to scream for about 18 months and then grew into one of the most thoughtful, soft spoken, patient adults I have met. Then I had my first child, time to put all my learning to good use. MY DAUGHTER WAS A TERROR!. She would not eat, sleep, let me put her down, let us hire a babysitter (when we would go out for the night she would cry, throw up, and the babysitter would call us tell us to get home and then never come back) I listened to everyone's advice. Someone always had a newer, improved way of solving this problem. I metaphorically speaking, carried the donkey, had the donkey carry me, walked while the donkey carried child, child walked while I rode...you get the picture. My head was spinning faster than Linda Blair's head in the Exorcist. Nothing worked except that I had a very troubling 18 months with a beautiful little girl. I should have done what my brother and his wife did..they let it ride. they stayed calm, did what they thought best while politely ignoring all the good intentions of others. I thought of this the other day when I overheard conversation of few young women giving advice to a frustrated new mother. I think the advice was more overwhelming than the screaming child. I wanted to say "let it go, let the baby cry, just hold her close." This child will soon be grown and gone and you will wish for the sleepless nights, the tender finger grasp, the whisper breathing. Let it go....

husband's birthday

My husband and I attended a 50th birthday party a little while ago. He stated emphatically as the days grew closer to the event that I should not even think to give him a surprise birthday party celebrating his half century mark. He made me cross my heart, swear on the bible, pinkie promise, and a dozen other little 9 year old kid covenants that i would not even let the thought of throwing 50th party garnish my thoughts. And because he is my spouse I am going to honor that. Of course he said nothing about his 49th birthday; which happens to be in 10 days. Which causes me to wonder 1. why would anyone give someone a 50th birthday party; everyone knows that this is the year to have a birthday party to knock the support hose off but because all are expecting it then why do it. It is suppose to be a surprise is it not? and no one is really surprised. example our friends wife took birthday boy out to dinner; normal thing to do, he had no reason to suspect that he was in for an evening of embarassment (sp, I am embarassed to say that I am never 100 percent sure how to spell embarrassment!) anyway this friend was not in fear of a birthday surprise but then AFTER dinner; settled back in the passenger seat (which should have been a warning as the birthday boy never sat in the passenger seat) he was blindsided by being blindfolded (why did he not rip off the eye cover?; because he is a good sport; he was turning 50 and this was the surprise party that he knew he would get but no one told him he was getting thus making it a surprise!) He was then driven around several blocks for several minutes, turning left ,right ,reverse, up hills, down alley's (he peeked just once when the car quickly halted.) Finally, arriving at the gathering place, tripping up the stairs causing a few excited giggles from the audience trying to be quiet until the lights came up, (why he did not peek going up the stairs means he is a little dumb.) then SHAZAM surprise! the crowd shouted (mostly because we were starving!) the birthday guest laughed heartily (a bit too heartily suggesting he really was not surprised at all) and the evening continued with jokes about growing up, viagra, geritol, and ear hair. Growing old stinks. As we left the evening with our pockets full of sweaty confectioners treats I again asked my husband if he would like to pretend to be surprised at a fiftieth birthday party. He answered "sure...whose party shall I pretend to be surprised at?" After I corrected his grammar I started planning his 49th birthday which truly will be a surprise. He'll love it and even thank me for it. ya think?